Loofah of Unconsciousness

Friday night randomness

2007-09-07T22:09:00.001+01:00

We need to build a nitrous equipped bus.
"Dan Moody, putting the cum into Cumbria since 1886."

sunday morning question

2007-08-05T00:53:00.000+01:00

Can you tell us of any flat foods we can laminate?

Certified Independent Idiot

2007-07-15T02:41:00.000+01:00

Tshirt coming soon.

Friday night question

2007-07-13T23:43:00.000+01:00

Given a time machine, which five people from history- and at which time in their lives- would you like to "meet". We've already bagsy'd Bridget Bardot, Barbarella era Jane Fonda and Audrey Hepburn, but we're willing to share.

Scally Hunting

2007-07-13T22:22:00.000+01:00

After much consideration, we have decided that this is our new vocation. Don't worry, we shall kill them (relatively) humanely.

If only simple was like that easy

2007-07-08T00:12:00.000+01:00

Phrase of the evening so far, courtesy of Alex, strongbow and 'cake or death'.

Thought of the day

2007-06-17T09:58:00.000+01:00

Can anyone help me, I want to fit a romulan cloaking device to a crocodile. Any ideas how?

Ultimate DIY super weapons: No.231

2007-05-26T09:34:00.000+01:00

A space-worthy shuttle powered, armour plated steam roller with retractable wings.

Loofahs and blogging go together you know

2007-05-22T21:30:00.000+01:00

MAybe this guy's visited us recently.....

via ProBlogger

Too much like hard work

2007-05-16T20:35:00.000+01:00

Working in a jobcentre is proving to be a real eye opener. A lot of people just expect the staff to bend over backwards to help them get the money that they expect and even sometimes demand as their right.
The attitude that they show is often just shocking and how some members of the staff haven't snapped occasionally and just slapped them constantly amazes me.
This got me thinking that if it wasn't so easy for them to get benefits they might make more of an effort to get a job.
The following idea is aimed at those people who just make absolutely no effort to do anything with their lives and just seem to live to make other peoples lives a misery with their aggressive behaviour and nasty attitudes.
The following idea which some may say is radical and crazy would reduce the number of people claiming benefits, and would generate drive and ambition in those who were succesful.
I propose that the jobcentre be placed at the top of a hill. There will be four towers at the corners of the building with a sniper at the top of each.
The field will be mined randomly and there will be catapults launching clay pitchers filled with boiling chip fat (oil is so middle ages).
All signers will be at the bottom of the hill and they will be armed with the weapons of their choice.
At opening times the signers will have to charge the hill and while avoiding flaming chip fat defend themselves from each other as there will only be a maximum of 100 available slots to sign.
The marksmen in the towers will be on a bonus for any fatalities as this will reduce in the long run the number of benefits seekers.
I know there are many genuine cases where people are seeking work and for those people I accept that we will be able to come up with an alternative, more pleasant way to help them.
It would certainly change peoples attitudes to working for a living!

Gay, in a heterosexual way

2007-03-30T23:27:00.001+01:00

Phrase of the evening. We're not sure what it means. But apparently, Tim is.

Petition required

2007-03-30T22:13:00.000+01:00

If we can get over 1,156 signatures (and a pound), Tim will not repaint his spare room, which has the groovy space wallpaper.

Who would win?

2007-03-10T11:59:00.000Z

If Superman was to have an arm wrestling match with Godzilla who would win?

Caught dead to rights

2007-03-05T20:14:00.000Z

In the true spirit of " It seemed like a good idea at the time " this lady maybe went a little too far to escape justice!

Sonic, but not as you know him!

2007-03-03T14:43:00.000Z

It appears that the world's fastest animal has finally been tracked down. Scientists and archaeologists even believe that this animal helped in the evolution of man.

First contact- Milton Keynes

2007-03-02T19:59:00.000Z

As I was thinking the other day about random things that flit across my mind like ghosts in the night I had this sudden thought.
Now I admit that I haven't researched this at all but nonetheless I think there maybe something in this.
Crop circles seem to have been around since around the sixties or at least thats when people started reporting them en masse. Now when you think of crop circles what springs to mind?
Geometric designs of unfathomable complexity which seem to comprise of many circles of varying sizes. Oh yeh, that and the theory that they were created by aliens.
Now, which man made place was built around this time and still to this day baffles most of the poor people who have to go through it?
Ispeak of course of our beloved Milton Keynes!

Coincidence? I think not!

I would like to see exactly who was responsible for its inception and planning! On detailed examination I am convinced the records will prove that the alleged people responsible will prove to have been ficticious with no background or records of them having done anything previously or afterwards!
It could only have been aliens. I mean lets face it, people have lost hours and even days navigating around all them roundabouts, or at least thats what their implanted memories tell them!
The aliens have obviously concentrated all their kidnappings there because nobody would believe that anyone wouldn't lose hours going through that city no matter how fast they were driving!

I shall be contacting the authorities with my suspicions and let the eminent specialists at the Weekly World News investigate!

Geeks look away now......

2007-03-02T19:45:00.000Z

Just as I seem to be overwhelmed by the sheer geekiness of some of the people I know I come across this video which gladdens my heart. If anyone wishes to help me recreate this film I'll gladly accept all donations!

Mules

2007-02-24T01:25:00.000Z

If we were to liquidise a mule, how many litres would we get?

To do

2007-02-09T23:22:00.000Z

Winston Churchill does I Will Survive.

Husky dog pallet sledging.

Bemusements

2007-01-03T14:09:00.000Z

I'm told that one of the sound shops in Wythenshawe is having a half price sale.

The Royal Mail website won't tell me the postcode for Buckingham Palace (SW1A 1AA, according to Dutch wikipedia).

If you never hear from me again....

2006-12-01T18:29:00.000Z

I think my bus driver just got lost. We're somewhere near the airport.

The Dark Side is on aisle 3

2006-11-29T16:47:00.000Z

Every so often something comes along that is just pure genius. I know people will have found this site long before me, but I only came across it today linked from the BBCnews website.
This is one of the funniest things I've seen in a long long time!
I don't think that the creator and master of all things Star Wars- George Lucas would exactly approve but even he's got to laugh.
The ultimate evil baddie's younger brother didn't quite cut it in the family business and look where he ended up. Maybe there are other super villain family members who couldn't cut it? Who knows what they are up to.

Shocking News

2006-11-22T15:07:00.000Z

This blog is dedicated to all those things which seem like a good idea at the time. Especially those where alcohol is involved in facilitating the generation of good ideas.

Which is why I've posted about this chap, who decided to swing from a high voltage power cable while the worse for wear. Luckily for him, he got away unharmed.

Finally, a celebrity show we want to see

2006-11-08T14:51:00.000Z

These days it seems that when channel surfing on the tv you can't help but catching glimpses of yet another mindless show packed with z-list celebrities all trying their "hardest" to complete different challenges, most of which try to show them off in a good light so that you'll feel sorry enough for them that you'll waste your money either voting for them or buying the new crap they're trying to peddle.

However, we have come up with a brand new concept for a show to feature all your favourite celebrities that you can't really remember what they have done to be famous.

Celebrity Bullet Dodging.

Sounds exciting doesn't it?

Now the concept is so surprisingly simple that I can't understand why it has not been thought up before.
At the beginning on the show there will be 100 bullets lined up to be used against each of our z-listers.
Each 'celebrity' will have the chance to complete different challenges. With every successful challenge reducing the number of bullets they will face at the end. Should they complete all the tasks set them there will be no bullets in the gun and they will be made to enter the next show. Three consecutive shows completed successfully and the celebrity will be allowed to leave.
Should the celebrity unfortunately fail in any of the challenges then they will be placed in a large room to await their fate.
At this point in the show a lucky member of the studio audience will be selected to do the shooting, but first they will have to answer some general knowledge questions. The better they do, the better the weapon they can choose to use.
If they score poorly they will only be offered maybe a second world war service revolver whereas if they do well it could be a sniper rifle or uzi.
The armed member of the audience is then put into the same room as our celebrity and neither is allowed to leave the room until all bullets have been fired.
If the armed contestant is successful he will receive a £100,000 prize, if not it goes to a charity of the celebrity's choice.

I think this show covers all the basics needed for a successful programme - action, celebrity stunts, audience participation, drama, suspense and cash prizes.

If any producers are reading this and want to look into it further, get in touch and we can discuss the minor details that will need sorting out to be accepted by the appropriate authorities.

Buddhist fundamentalists

2006-11-03T22:03:00.000Z

What would a buddhist fundamentalist do? Ensure everyone was calm and at one with the planet, even he they had to kill them to do it?